tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post4375512807535129125..comments2023-09-15T07:05:15.686-04:00Comments on The Life and Literary Pursuits of Alexia Chamberlynn: Final Week of GUTGAA Blogfest! First 200 Words Critique!alexiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07122487552931794871noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-16245911447236309582011-07-26T17:18:15.089-04:002011-07-26T17:18:15.089-04:00Love the prologue! I especially love the way that...Love the prologue! I especially love the way that he notices things about her appearance, like there is some depth (and almost affection?) to the horrible stalking and killing he is doing. Verrrrrrry creepy. Excellent job!LisaAnnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02084670148565013397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-23066623555350441622011-07-26T13:07:07.024-04:002011-07-26T13:07:07.024-04:00You have me completely hooked, Alexia. I am waitin...You have me completely hooked, Alexia. I am waiting to read your book. Loved the excerpts.Rachna Chhabriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16900999965919504282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-72769449261804244652011-07-26T12:28:13.754-04:002011-07-26T12:28:13.754-04:00I love prologues (and can't understand the bac...I love prologues (and can't understand the backlash against them) and I love yours, because it adds the element of danger.Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-36626063465054477352011-07-26T12:06:28.529-04:002011-07-26T12:06:28.529-04:00Oh, this is wonderful. I'm pulled right in and...Oh, this is wonderful. I'm pulled right in and so want to read more.Donna K. Weaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15763832177263927311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-67117759751333679462011-07-26T03:23:17.824-04:002011-07-26T03:23:17.824-04:00Well done! The prologue totally hooked me... and n...Well done! The prologue totally hooked me... and now I'm dying to know where she is. Great job, Alexia.Jennifer Hillierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15783975547643539868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-1758943267708501162011-07-25T21:02:01.470-04:002011-07-25T21:02:01.470-04:00I LOVE the prologue and the villain. The change in...I LOVE the prologue and the villain. The change in voice and mood in the first chapter is refreshing. Great job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02286437269354482883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-84183096618692995042011-07-25T19:36:27.613-04:002011-07-25T19:36:27.613-04:00Great story and you have definitely caught my atte...Great story and you have definitely caught my attention.Author Joshua Hoythttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01256754228034053632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-38612611570081879242011-07-25T17:20:41.229-04:002011-07-25T17:20:41.229-04:00Hi Alexia!! You know - I've never minded prol...Hi Alexia!! You know - I've never minded prologues. In fact, I've written one or two myself. I like yours - it's interesting and it hints at the genre better than the start of your first chapter, which reads very contemporary. So, I definitely think it adds to the story!<br /><br />And I agree - the word choices between the two pieces show a great dichotomy between the 2 characters - great job!Donea Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15393184831994368021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-88633717330278557272011-07-25T16:19:14.683-04:002011-07-25T16:19:14.683-04:00DEFINATELY keep the prologue! Love that it's ...DEFINATELY keep the prologue! Love that it's written from the villian POV. I also love the start of the next chapter. Very well done!<br /><br />~K.V. BriarK.V. Briarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05508488198134394672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-1906638566611820792011-07-25T15:35:10.866-04:002011-07-25T15:35:10.866-04:00I like the prologue being from the perspective of ...I like the prologue being from the perspective of the villain. The prologue is short and different enough from the 'current day' feel of the story, that it's necessary. It seems that agents don't like a prologue when it's something that delays the action of the story - but this actually paves the way for the action, so keep it, I say.<br /><br />I agree with nicole -that one line 'though he knew it well' was a bit awkward, and immediately after, you learn why, so it becomes redundant. <br />Great job, and good luck!Alex Villasantehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17109677049281615295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-27725352655639637222011-07-25T15:15:51.921-04:002011-07-25T15:15:51.921-04:00Alexia,
So, I just read through your prologue and ...Alexia,<br />So, I just read through your prologue and first 200, then read through the comments already posted and I have <i>absolutely nothing to add</i> *grins sheepishly* ADORED this.<br /><br />I'll just ditto Amber. Unfortunately, she had the exact same fix idea as I did, so I can't even add anything there.<br /><br />Great job!!<br />--LoraAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07253166034862608647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-91718786563233779462011-07-25T14:38:59.565-04:002011-07-25T14:38:59.565-04:00I'm not a huge fan of prologues as a rule, but...I'm not a huge fan of prologues as a rule, but this one didn't bother me. Although there were a lot of cliched phrases in it that really stood out.<br />Raven hair for example and green eyes being compared with sea glass.<br /><br />In the fist chapter, I really liked the character and her reactions. She seemed very human.Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-11927622032409261352011-07-25T14:13:45.529-04:002011-07-25T14:13:45.529-04:00You had me hooked with the line 'She had raven...You had me hooked with the line 'She had raven hair this time.' Nice choice of words :) The normalness of the first chapter with the comparatively paranormal prologue made me really intrigued. I think the two really worked together nicely :) This one line, thought -- 'After a quick glance at her phone confirmed how late she was running, she decided to stop and ask for directions.' -- needs some love. how about 'A quick glance at her phone confirmed she was running very late, and she decided to stop and ask for directions.'<br /><br />Hope this helps :) <br />-amamberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11158553862638051863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-34996016143769874882011-07-25T13:06:44.857-04:002011-07-25T13:06:44.857-04:00I agree with Jamie. Include the prologue if the ag...I agree with Jamie. Include the prologue if the agent isn't renowned for being anti-prologue. I've done it both ways myself. (Absolutely love yours, btw)lindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02715499969607564911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-36559464801272706602011-07-25T11:37:04.734-04:002011-07-25T11:37:04.734-04:00I'm not normally a fan of prologues but yours ...I'm not normally a fan of prologues but yours captivated me. One small think, I would change the sentence From across the room he took in every detail of her face, though he knew it well. to From across the room, he took in every detail of her face. The reader learns that he knew it well from the rest of the prologue, it doesn't need to be spelled out for the reader.<br /><br />She let out a groan as her gaze traveled up and down Lexington Avenue, searching addresses. I read literally so this reads that Lexington Avenue is searching addresses.<br /><br />Flipping black curls behind her shoulder, her eyes scanned the buildings around her again. After a phrase like flipping..., the subject of the sentence has to be the person doing the flipping, it can't be her eyes.<br /><br />I would read more. :)Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-87159608895987834342011-07-25T11:03:50.620-04:002011-07-25T11:03:50.620-04:00So...yes please! That's all I've got. :) I...So...yes please! That's all I've got. :) I want to read more. I love the prologue but, then again, I'm not against them either. I don't mind the 3rd person. I say you write in the point of view that goes best with each book and this one sounds right. Have you read The Eternal Ones by Kirsten Miller? You might like it based off of what I just read. I hope I get to read Countless in it's entirety some day!<br />Magic!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-34907223933424253872011-07-25T10:48:48.494-04:002011-07-25T10:48:48.494-04:00His voice is very old -- ancient, and I like that ...His voice is very old -- ancient, and I like that we know that right away. The words, "moon pale curve of her calves" are poetry.<br /><br />Her voice is now. You wrote both so well.amy kennedyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15696288092773950469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-21612977599807986512011-07-25T10:39:25.402-04:002011-07-25T10:39:25.402-04:00I loved how you took a cliche prologue (killer sta...I loved how you took a cliche prologue (killer stalking prey) and made it feel new. He knows her, they have a very lengthy past together, she's died before. VERY interesting.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-12926467842850543262011-07-25T09:52:23.373-04:002011-07-25T09:52:23.373-04:00Both work for me! Maybe just leave the prologue ou...Both work for me! Maybe just leave the prologue out for the agents that are open about hating them? Very well written. Have you ever read My Name is Memory by Ann Brashares? Kinda reminded me of that if you need a market analysis.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-73341599461708869302011-07-25T09:21:04.575-04:002011-07-25T09:21:04.575-04:00Ooh! The prologue really sets up the story. I thin...Ooh! The prologue really sets up the story. I think you should keep it, it feels like it belongs.<br /><br />The story opening was good as well, introducing me to Eva and giving me a reason to keep reading. The one tiny thing that jumped out at me was the line:<br /><br />"She let out a groan as her gaze traveled up and down Lexington Avenue"<br /><br />The whole groan and gaze sounded a little cliched to me.<br /><br />But really, this is a tiny detail. It reads smoothly and I'd keep going to find out more.Andrea Mackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15250681746122381149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-7827356879564569872011-07-25T08:09:17.381-04:002011-07-25T08:09:17.381-04:00I like this. I'm on the fence with prologues, ...I like this. I'm on the fence with prologues, but I think yours works. I like her voice, and even though it's written in third person, I think it read well. I'm a first person gal, but when I read yours I didn't mind third person.<br />Nothing jumped out at me so great job!Christine Danekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00979611961825725350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-84032462325139483352011-07-25T01:09:19.662-04:002011-07-25T01:09:19.662-04:00I've heard agents say NO prologues. I've h...I've heard agents say NO prologues. I've heard editors say YES prologues. I kind of think you do it if it makes sense for your story. I thought about doing one until I heard that lots of people skip them. If your story will make sense to the readers who don't read it keep it, if not maybe make it chapter one.<br /><br />I was intrigued by the story. The Antag know her and she won't remember him. So cool. I would read on.<br /><br />I liked the voice of Eva, she sounds fun--I like to root for the underdog.<br /><br />Good luck. I hope to see this in print one day :)Angela Cothranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09243582290698922119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-23406689329217516122011-07-25T01:04:11.341-04:002011-07-25T01:04:11.341-04:00Since I'm a big fan of a well-written prologue...Since I'm a big fan of a well-written prologue (and yours rocks!), I'm probably too biased a person to ask. :)<br /><br />What I love about your prologue, is with the first seven words I know so much already--a glimpse of the problem and a tantalizing tease of the antagonist's personality. It's creepy enough to be someone's prey but even worse when they've been stalking you for who knows how long. You also let us see something of the MC's personality with the stilettos heels. And of course "she had raven hair this time" totally hooks me. And if that didn't, the 194 years would have! OK, I know I'm loving every sentence, but to learn that the protagonist not only knew her then but was her murderer as well? Oh, wow.<br /><br />You've upped the volume with the amnesia. And now I have to know what dark things she might have done--or have been tempted to do--in a previous lifetime. And what is she if not human? Oh, yes, I must read on!<br /><br />The opening of Chapter 1 is excellent as well, but please don't ever think about losing the prologue, as it puts everything else into context and sets the scene perfectly.<br /><br />I can't imagine this book not being published. Again, wow!Michelle Fayardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05323853315988838877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1897238162318789476.post-57828454002265804522011-07-25T00:22:10.212-04:002011-07-25T00:22:10.212-04:00I love that you are telling this from the villain&...I love that you are telling this from the villain's perspective--ver ver high-concept! I also read this and didn't mind the 3rd person at all (to tell the truth, I hardly noticed it...and I'm way into 1st person right now...great job!)<br /><br />There's nothing jumping out at me right now (though I'm not a fan of prologues at all, but if you need it then you do!). <br /><br />Great job!Alleged Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04869021184116123477noreply@blogger.com