Hi, writer friends! Last week of Deana Barnhart's blogfest! I am not officially participating in the contest because my novel is for adults, but I wanted to put up my pages for critique nonetheless. Also, if you missed me and fellow blogfester Michelle Fayard's post on using Amazon to boost your book sales, check it out now!
Okay, so here's the scoop with my first 200. My novel, Countless, starts with sort of a prologue. And further, the prologue is written from the perspective of my villain, not my MC. I know agents typically don't like prologues, however, this opening event really and truly is the catalyst for the whole book. And, my MC is not aware that it's happened, which is also vital to the whole book. So, what I decided to do was post the first 200 from this prologue, and also the first 200 from the next chapter, which is written from my MC's perspective. Please pick which one you'd like to take a stab at and critique away! And if you have any thoughts on the whole 'to prologue or not to prologue', please share!
Prologue - First 200
He had found his prey at last. From across the room he took in every detail of her face, though he knew it well. The full lips, thin nose, and most of all the deep green eyes. Green like a highland meadow or a piece of lustrous sea glass. His eyes traced the moon-pale curve of her calves, down to her stilettos. She had raven hair this time.
One hundred and ninety-four years had passed since he’d last seen her. That time when he’d killed her was different than the times before. He’d made it so when she came back, she wouldn’t remember a thing. Their times together, the power they’d shared, the life they’d almost had. She’d chosen another path. Taken pity on humanity, and decided she wouldn’t go through with their plan. And worse, she’d fallen in love with one of them.
So now, as he watched her, he took a moment to appreciate the beauty of it. She stood before him, waiting for the elevator, completely oblivious to the fact that she was being hunted. Totally unaware that though she may look human, as he did, she was not. And this time, there would be no temporary death.
Chapter One - First 200
The day wasn’t going as planned.
First, her alarm hadn’t gone off and she’d nearly been late for work. Then the copy shop screwed up the prints for her big presentation. And now, the cabbie had dropped her off at the wrong address, except of course she didn’t realize it until he’d already pulled away from the curb.
Eva tried to chase him down, but her only reward was a cloud of exhaust and a close encounter with the sidewalk as her Gucci heels wobbled beneath her. She let out a groan as her gaze traveled up and down Lexington Avenue, searching addresses. She’d been told the gallery was near Gramercy Park, just south of East 22nd. Flipping black curls behind her shoulder, her eyes scanned the buildings around her again. Shit. Where is this place?
After a quick glance at her phone confirmed how late she was running, she decided to stop and ask for directions. To her right she saw a bar named The Lunar Landing. As she reached for the door, her eyes moved over the windows spanning the front, curtains covering the lower half so she couldn’t quite see in. This better not be some sort of strip joint.
And there it is! It will probably take me a few days to hop around to everyone. Good luck to everyone entering the contest!